So much changes in the blink of an eye. My life this past six months has been turned upside down, inside out, and back and forth. Most people who know us, probably don't recognize much of a change, however for the people close to us, they know better. On December 1, 2011, my mom, Debbi Whitman, passed away. No, she wasn't sick, no we weren't prepared, no we had no idea anything was wrong. Barely more than a week later one of my sisters had a devastating loss of a baby. Then within a couple weeks, I was hospitalized for chest pains. We found out I have lung nodules. (They are small and just being monitored right now. Hopefully, just some weird thing from the soil). Now as if that wasn't enough, I was in the middle of changing jobs. As you can imagine with all of that, I was shaken to my core. No, I didn't have a nervous breakdown, but I really wanted to...no seriously, I really wanted to!
This time in my life has been a time of deep relection and sadness. I am starting to feel like the clouds are slowly lifting and life is returning to a state of more balance. It is still hard to talk about my Mom, and often times I find myself still thinking of calling her just to tell her about some silly thing that happened to me or one of the kids.
I am on a journey of not only recovering from grief but rebuilding a better family and life, as my mom would have wanted me to do... Love you mom!!
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What I learned from losing my momma was... The ONLY thing that heals the grief..IS time... And that is no comfort to someone when they are neck deep in grief...it was surely no.comfort to me when I was in it... And I did have a.nervous breakdown .. I thank god every day that I got thru to the other side of it.. Cause I was in so.much grief and depression that I gave up.. I was wanting death..and when that didn't happen.. I tried my hardest to push my feelings my family away .... I did terrible things ..everything against my own morals ... Thank I had a husband that stood firmly beside me even tho I did the very thing I condemned my f at her for doin to my mother for..and more..he stood beside me because ,in our earlier years. I stood beside him..because that's what u do when u love someone.at least that's what my momma taught me.. I believe I come out of it a stronger better person.. And after a while ..a happier one..I wish I was there for you.. I am so happy that you have amazing friends, family and found and amazing man that treats you the way I always knew you deserved... Even when u didn't think u deserved a happy ending..I knew you would find your way ... You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.. I will always love you no matter the miles between us... You are my true sister... I love you danielle renee' whitman-pray!.
ReplyDeleteSue, you rock. It has been more difficult than most can imagine. I wanted to just stop everything and if it wouldn't have been for my babies, who knows what would have happened to me. Probably lots of alcohol for sure! Anyway, just trying to get better. Love you and miss you too.
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